Quotes from "North by North Quahog"

"Well, unfortunately there's no more room on the schedule. We've just got to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fastlane, Andy Richer Controls the Universe, Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasedena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric the Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg the Bunny." - Peter Griffin

"Well I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes, we might have a shot." - Peter Griffin

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey...hey...stop it...stop it...OK...All right." - Peter Griffin as Jesus Christ

"...Oh here are the coffee mugs." - Peter Griffin

"What good is mining nose gold if you can't share it with the townspeople?" - Chris Griffin

"How does it smell, Dog? Does it smell like servitude? Hahaha! Aft torpedoes, fire!" - Stewie Griffin

"Hehehehe, gross!" - Peter Griffin

"Peter, what the hell is wrong with you? I fall asleep for 10 minutes and you plow the car into a tree! Oh my God, you gotta pay attention to the road! We could've been killed! I mean, look at the front of our car! It's totaled, it's completely totaled, Peter! Oh this is teriffic! How are we gonna get...oh my God! I knew I should've driven! I should always drive! I cannot trust you Peter Griffin!" - Lois Griffin

"Stand perfectly still, Lois. They're vision is based on movement." "Where'd you go?" - Peter Griffin and a hooker

"That show only furthers the stereotype that George Lopez is funny." - Chris Griffin

"Wear it now!" - Chris Griffin

"I don't have to listen to you. You're a dog, you don't have a soul!" - Chris Griffin

"Diane, I'm standing outside Park Barrington Hotel because they don't allow Asians inside." - Tricia Takinawa

"You don't want to hurt yourself dancing. Make sure you stretch out those creamy hamstrings." - Creepy Old Guy

"Yes, I've put on a few pounds for my next role. I play Peter Griffin, a heroic warrior who defied the English to free England from the English." - Peter Griffin as Mel Gibson

"Almost...almost...almost...there we are." "Well done." - High-class British porn

"You know, Margaret, we could have sexual intercourse right now." "Yes, yes we could." "But let's not." - High-class British porn

"Well what are we supposed to do, Lois, just admit that there's no excitement left in our marriage, go home, and spend the rest of our lives looking at each other across the breakfast table talking about how much we each like Total?" - Peter Griffin

"Ooh, actually so do I. And it's healthy for us, too--Oh God! It's starting already!" - Peter Griffin

"Peter, are you crazy? Look, stealing Mel Gibson's towels, bathrobes, and Nazi paraphenelia is one thing, but this is a multi-million dollar film and he's a very powerful man." - Lois Griffin

"This is even more intense than that time I forgot how to sit down." - Peter Griffin

"Mr. Tucker, it seems your son, Jake, had some vodka at the school dance, and, uh, Chris got blamed for it. This, uh, this whole situation has just really turned his whole life upside-down face." - Brian Griffin

"Yeah, look at this! Oh yeah, you don't like this! Yeah, this is what Benji would do! Oh yeah, that feels so good! That feels so good!" - Brian Griffin

"Well that may be, but what were all forgeting is: Anyone who doesn't want to go to war is gay." - Peter Griffin

"Don't worry, Lois. There's a dog turd in there. By the time he finds out, we'll be long gone--" "There's a dog turd in here." - Peter Griffin and Mel Gibson

"I know this is the wrong time to be star-struck but, Mel Gibson is shooting at us!" - Peter Griffin

"Hey Lois, look. I'm a booger!" - Peter Griffin

"Of course he did. Christians don't believe in gravity." - Peter Griffin

"Hey, hey, Jefferson. Check it out. Chick getting nailed on my head." - George Washington

"He gon' get it!" - Ollie Williams

"Don't let it get the best of you. I used to be a lawyer. See ya next week! Glad to be back, America!" - Greased-up deaf guy